The year of living mindfully

OK, so here I go with my first blog on DogMa - what does it mean that I am now a blogger? I have alternately admired and made fun of other blogs, wondered why these people have so much time on their hands, wondered why anyone would want to read anything that I might write about me, my "little life" with my dogs and my husband and our wooden shack at the foot of the Blue Ridge Mountains.

This year I will be 53 years old.... how did this happen? It seems like yesterday when I thought my days were limitless, my time infinite, every experience reproducible, each moment expendable, the small bits and pieces and sounds and sights and tiny vignettes that make up the day not worth thinking about or sharing - just keep moving ma'am.

Then it dawned on me gradually as I walked with my dogs in the woods or sat by the fireplace with my husband that this moment, this particular scene with its own set of additions.... sun casting a certain light, wind blowing a certain way, leaves falling or not falling, squirrel running up the tree, bird flying by, water rippling, dogs grunting, orchids blooming or about to bloom..... will never happen again. This is it - it is my life, it is what I might long for (soledad) some day - just the normalcy of it, the day to day gift of being me in my life.

Sometimes it strikes in earnest when I see my elderly clients and friends no longer able to live in their homes, having to say the last goodbye to the last good dog, knowing that they will never again climb a mountain or fly an airplane or admire a wide vista of desert or plain or go outside in their yard in the moonlight or any of those other magical things that I am able to do almost at will.  They will never stop into Shenandoah Joe's the coffee shop for a quick pick-me-up or  walk through the grocery store or select a beautiful orchid at Floradise.  
Some of them accept these losses with peace and equanimity; others do not.  I suppose none of us knows how we will do at such times - we can only hope for the former.

So for now, the endeavor to live in my own body and mind; to notice the small things and to savor them slowly, to have my cereal in the morning while thinking about it rather than wondering how I can get through this in order to get to the next thing, to notice the wind and trees and dog smiles when wandering in the woods, to admire my sweet husband's profile and his warmth beside me on cold mornings - to be mindful in my interactions with the world - this is my purpose, my resolution if you will, for 2011. Wish me luck.